INCOMPETENCE
Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, Kash Patel, Pete Hegseth – just a few rotten souls from a seemingly endless list of individuals responsible for carrying out Trump’s chaos agenda fueling his second term. Each of these idiots got their positions not from expertise, distinguished careers, or respect from industry peers. Their bar for entry was simple: look good on TV, at least in Trump’s eyes, and submit to the president at any and all cost to oneself.
These are the literal job requirements for the highest positions of office in the most powerful nation on the planet. Accolades, merit, subject knowledge, and track record are not only irrelevant but now exist as a threat to those placed in power, who have fired subordinates whose tenure could be perceived as a challenge to the acolytes' legitimacy.
The first requirement is more or less based on the individual’s standing with Fox News and MAGA influencers, whereas the second is ultimately about the total void of self-respect and dignity needed to appease the boss.
Take, for example, former (may you never know peace) Attorney General Pam Bondi’s infamous congressional hearing, where she refused to take responsibility for the Epstein File release after previously claiming she “had the files on her desk” months earlier. She spent the entire inquiry getting torched on the stand, facing questions about her judgment, involvement, and cover-up attempts. Bondi attempted to deflect and sidetrack every line of questioning by counterattacking Democratic members with talking points from a literal burn book-esque binder. Willfully ignoring the Trumpenstein survivors in the gallery, she screamed “The Dow is over 50,000!” along with other baseless claims in defense of Trump’s administration.
The hearing was widely viewed as a total disaster for Bondi, whose “Dow” remarks were quickly memed by people across the political spectrum. Fox News did its best to spin the little coverage they aired, likely aware of the poor optics and growing frustration among parts of its audience with the attorney general. And yet, Trump was reportedly pleased – Bondi followed the Kavanaugh playbook: deny, deflect, attack, no matter the cost to yourself or the position you hold. By shifting the focus of the hearing to the president’s enemies, Bondi demonstrated to Trump that she was fully committed to him, regardless of the consequences.
Pam Bondi has an extensive legal background, both as a political appointee and a former prosecutor. She knows how the legal system is supposed to work and yet she repeatedly chooses to abandon legal principles and norms, tarnishing her record and torching her legacy. The former attorney general did this all in the hope that a deranged pedophile (she’s seen the evidence) would be pleased with her performance and that she could keep her seat at the table. Trump fired her weeks later.
Kristi Noem, on the other hand, IS a total moron, having zero experience related to domestic security, terrorism prevention, or immigration. Prior to her firing, Noem was constantly ridiculed and mocked for her inability to answer questions during interviews, where her judgement was often called into question. More broadly, she was panned for her TV spots where she poorly cosplayed various characters I can only assume she role-played for Corey Lewandowski on their taxpayer- funded private jet.
Being an idiot ultimately did Noem in, thankfully. During one of her congressional hearings, Noem tripped over her words and fell into a trap from Republican Senator John Kennedy regarding a DHS advertising initiative that prominently featured her. Noem suggested under oath that the President was explicitly aware of how she spent the taxpayer money on the campaign. The ads were produced by contractors who were selected without a competitive bid, and one was formed just 11 days before receiving a $143 million contract. The Strategy Group, a central contractor in the campaign, was run by Benjamin Yoho, who is married to Noem’s former DHS spokesperson, Tricia McLaughlin. The firm had previously worked on Noem’s gubernatorial campaigns, her 2024 memoir, and her American Resolve PAC. Despite Noem claiming she had no role in selecting contractors, records show the company received over $200 million through a subcontract with Safe America Media, a newly formed entity incorporated just days before the deal.
But it wasn’t the blatant corruption and misuse of taxpayer funds that was the problem; it was her attempt at self-preservation. By implying Trump had been aware of and OK with her campaign, the “puppy killer” violated rule #2 and ensured her spot on the chopping block.
Being a moron won’t always get you canned. Kristi Noem lacks brain cells for sure, but Kash Patel is aggressively stupid– perhaps a whole different genetic frequency of idiocy, even. The conspiracy pod-bro turned FBI Director (Jesus fucking Christ, what are we doing) is so far out of his depth his paranoia is starting to show– and it’s not just his eyes.
Kash is currently on thin ice, having grossly spent taxpayer dollars on personal expenses. Flying out and partying during the Olympics (seriously, fuck you for ruining that for me), security detail for his make-a-wish country singer girlfriend (she’s terrible), as well as his trips to “Boondoggle Ranch” (slams head on table). The misuse of funds won’t get him axed – it’s a feature, not a bug, with these ghouls– the media attention puts him on the spot. In his congressional hearings so far, he has played well for Trump, sparring with Dems and dodging questions or accountability. But the new heat may jeopardize him if at any point Trump begins to look bad. The Atlantic recently published a story detailing Patel’s excessive drinking and behavior. Multiple incidents highlight concerns about his conduct: meetings were rescheduled due to alcohol-fueled nights, his security detail had difficulty waking him on several occasions, and a request for "breaching equipment"—typically used by SWAT teams—was made when he was unreachable behind locked doors.
The FBI Director has since sued The Atlantic for defamation, setting the stage for a court battle and subsequent discovery– something I imagine the legal team at The Atlantic had planned for. If this case somehow moves forward, the evidence could potentially result in Patel’s removal from office.
Can’t talk about drinking on the job without calling in Pete fucking Hegseth, one of the most vile and petty bitches of Trump’s Cabinet. The former Fox News host and DUI poster child has done more damage to the Department of Defense than Trump has done to the East Wing. The current “Secretary of War” has unknowingly leaked classified intel in a Signal group chat (illegal), fired generals, commanders, and officers of rank based on their race or gender. Hegseth has also denied routine promotions to members of the military for similar reasons. Worse, he has approved orders or directed subordinates to ignore or violate international laws, resulting in civilian casualties and allegations of war crimes in pursuit of an anti-woke military agenda. The bloodthirsty rhetoric he spews stems back to his days as a guard at Guantanamo Bay, where I’m sure he was encouraged to be his worst. While Hegseth has military experience, it is inadequate when compared to the qualifications his predecessors carried with them. Double that for the amount of experience and knowledge lost from his firings – all because he is a racist manosphere crybaby.
Each week, Hegseth gets in front of his hand-picked press pool to cry and whine about “legacy media” and its coverage of the war in Iran. He goes on to praise Trump for being the strongest Christ-like warrior the USA has ever seen, or something like that, and closes it out with a Bible verse he seems to think validates the killing of brown people. Loved by Fox News and Christian Nationalists? Check. Weekly Trump glazing? Check. Anyone listening to grown-up Brock Turner can discern he is only speaking to the aforementioned audiences, but what he fails to realize is that the entire military, as well as the rest of the world, are listening and taking note. Pete may not be going anywhere unless he DUI’s himself off a cliff, but his rhetoric and initiatives will have lasting effects on the DoD and the United States’ standing in the international community.
The list goes on: Tulsi (fuck you), Steven Miller, RFK – each deserve their own entry – but the lot of them are all fulfilling their humiliation kink in one way or another in servitude of a dying, bloated, pedophile. Fortunately, what we can count on is that these incompetent ghouls, as well as Trump, will be gone one day. What they leave behind, however, are critically damaged —if not unrecognizable— institutions of our government. I will never claim or argue that they were perfect to begin with; they are, as creations of man often are, imperfect systems. These systems needed to be addressed long before Trump, but their state of existence post-MAGA will require careful and deliberate restructuring in the years, if not decades, to come.
The Bondi-led DOJ, for example, dropped over 20,000 cases related to terrorism, white-collar crime, drugs, and sexual abuse. Trump’s really shitty bill gave DHS $190 billion, taking taxpayer funds from healthcare, education, and infrastructure programs designed to make our lives better, in addition to further inflating the federal deficit. (You up DOGE?)
Similar story with the FBI under Patel. Thousands of agents were pulled from ongoing investigations to help redact the Epstein files for months. Many of the cases abandoned were related to domestic terrorism, fraud, and human trafficking. Kash also personally fumbled a number of high-profile cases, including Charlie Kirk’s murder and the shooting at Brown University. Ask yourself: do you believe Kash Patel is capable of managing a domestic terror attack? It’s an emphatic “NO” from me. It is impossible to calculate the opportunity cost of these people’s shortcomings; however, we can confidently assume time will tell.
The same reckoning will be true for MAGA at large, and Trump voters. We are seeing the administration begin to rip at the seams, as is the cult. Split over foreign wars and what “America First” really means, some prominent voices are creating space for the everyday Trump voter to distance themselves from their choices. The fracturing evokes a bittersweet sentiment. On one hand I know this needs to be welcomed, for our country needs any and all voices speaking out and rejecting fascism. On the other hand, I cannot help but detest that the same incompetence found within the administration goes unrecognized by MAGA detractors. It is their short-sighted thinking, bigotry, hypocrisy, and recklessness that put Trump in office, enabling the chaos that has followed. The war in Iran, protection of the Epstein class, and normalization of white nationalism can all be faulted to these people, regardless of where they stand in the end.
It is important to recognize and speak truth to this in the coming months. Lines will be blurred as Republicans try to distance themselves from a feeble lame duck. We will need to play the long game and force those who seek power afterward to act accordingly: Remove all Trump appointees, dismantle ICE, break up DHS, re-institute health standards, and cancel or pause any initiatives started by MAGA grifters across all government agencies. Dems cannot fall into the Fox News trap, which will categorize these actions as a failure to unite, look forward, and move on. Fuck that. Feet to the fire for all of those who enabled and cheered the destruction of our democracy– we will have our time.
- Edited by E. Sullivan
